I have a very good friend who has an AWESOME relationship with her husband. She even refers to him as her best friend. I love to see them together, they are so awe inspiring. I am jealous. I am jealous of the relationship that they have. Dan and I love each other, but we are far from being best friends. how is it possible that you can be with someone for 13 years plus and not be their best friend?
Dan and I have had some really bad times and some really good times. We only dated for about 6 months before we got married and did not have time to develop what you would call a friendship. Now looking back, I wish we had more time to get to know each other as people instead of a lover. Just being honest. I love Dan because he takes such good care of us, but I feel so alone in our relationship. I try to fill that void by busying myself with other projects, but it is not working. How do you become best friends with someone that you do not have anything in common with??
I often refer to myself as a single married mom, and truthfully, I am. I take care of everything. The other day we had a tiff and he just told me to take care of it. Where do I go with that? I know this sounds whiny and bitch, but where do I turn? Is it possible to become best friends with your partner after so many years of no communication and one person doing everything to keep the relationship alive?
I do not know the answer to this question, but I do know that this is my new mission. I am going to become best friends with my husband because I love him. God grant me the peace and patience to accomplish this marriage saving task.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Education
I got my grades for the fall quarter today. All A's. I have never gotten all A's at any point in my life. I had parents who were not big on education and really did not care if I did my homework or not. I can seriously never remember a time when they asked me if I had my homework done. So I never did it. My GPA upon graduation of high school will prove that. I wasn't even sure if I would walk until the day of graduation!!!
Now that I am older and little wiser, I am the homework Nazi with my kids. The first thing I do when they come home is check their bookbags. I see what they need to do and I make sure it gets done. I read every little comment that their teachers make on their assignments and we go over what they did not understand. Most importantly, I do not let them skate by with extra credit. I do not even let them do it. They must make their grades by the assignments given, not take the easy road out. In my eyes, extra credit is the slackers way of getting the points you need to grasp a higher grade. Are they actually retaining anything from this? NO!! When my children get out into the REAL WORLD, employers want skills, not their ability to write down 7 chapters of vocabulary words and fail every assignment given.
This quarter I had three classes that allowed extra credit. I did the extra credit for two of the three. The extra credit in one class saved me from a C. I received an email from that instructor after my grade was posted. This person told me that I really had a C before the extra credit was applied. I failed the final, miserably. The reason they gave me the A was because they knew I knew what I was doing. This particular subject was not my forte'. It was not the knowledge that I retained, but the fact that I knew how to find the answers to the questions that they were asking. I actually studied for this test, but could not retain the text. I am grateful for the A, but I feel as if I did not deserve it rightly. I emailed this person back and asked to be given the grade I deserved. As of tonight, it is still an A.
If you are reading this, please teach your children that taking the easy way out is not the best option. If you work and study hard, you can achieve the grade that you deserve. It may not always be an A, but it will be your honest effort.
Now that I am older and little wiser, I am the homework Nazi with my kids. The first thing I do when they come home is check their bookbags. I see what they need to do and I make sure it gets done. I read every little comment that their teachers make on their assignments and we go over what they did not understand. Most importantly, I do not let them skate by with extra credit. I do not even let them do it. They must make their grades by the assignments given, not take the easy road out. In my eyes, extra credit is the slackers way of getting the points you need to grasp a higher grade. Are they actually retaining anything from this? NO!! When my children get out into the REAL WORLD, employers want skills, not their ability to write down 7 chapters of vocabulary words and fail every assignment given.
This quarter I had three classes that allowed extra credit. I did the extra credit for two of the three. The extra credit in one class saved me from a C. I received an email from that instructor after my grade was posted. This person told me that I really had a C before the extra credit was applied. I failed the final, miserably. The reason they gave me the A was because they knew I knew what I was doing. This particular subject was not my forte'. It was not the knowledge that I retained, but the fact that I knew how to find the answers to the questions that they were asking. I actually studied for this test, but could not retain the text. I am grateful for the A, but I feel as if I did not deserve it rightly. I emailed this person back and asked to be given the grade I deserved. As of tonight, it is still an A.
If you are reading this, please teach your children that taking the easy way out is not the best option. If you work and study hard, you can achieve the grade that you deserve. It may not always be an A, but it will be your honest effort.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Look in the mirror before you judge...
I went to church today fulling expecting the pastor to affirm my faith and reassure me that I am a good Christian. What I got instead was the embarrassing reality that I am a hypocrite. I get mad at other people for talking smack about others, when I in turn do it myself. Just on the way to church my kids and I were talking about people that actually go to our church, in not such a favorable way either.
How can I teach my children not to do this when I myself do this? It is hard to explain to them one thing when you do it yourself. I feel like such an asshole for even doing this. I hate when people talk about others and here I am doing it, in front of my kids!!!
I am sending out the wrong message to them. I have always taught my kids that all people are equal in my eyes, yet I talk about them as if they were beneath me. That I am somehow better than they are.
I am making an effort to practice what I preach. No more talking about other people, no matter how much I want to. I need to remember that we are all equal in God's eyes, the same thing that I tell my kids all the time. My pastor was talking about his mother who just recently passed away. She was 85 years old and he never once heard her talk about anyone. Can any of us make that claim???? I know I can't.
I met a lady yesterday who actually married someone from my childhood that I do not remember in a good way. He and his family were just bad news. Drugs, drinking, abuse...I could go on. Now this lady is one of the nicest and sweetest women I have ever met. When I figured out that SHE was married to HIM, I was shocked. How could she have married him?? Now I realize, there is more to a person than we may ever know. I could have easily dismissed her due to her being married to him, but instead, I am her friend and will continue to be one. Meeting her and talking to her has inspired me to be more like her and my pastors late mother. Think about this.
How can I teach my children not to do this when I myself do this? It is hard to explain to them one thing when you do it yourself. I feel like such an asshole for even doing this. I hate when people talk about others and here I am doing it, in front of my kids!!!
I am sending out the wrong message to them. I have always taught my kids that all people are equal in my eyes, yet I talk about them as if they were beneath me. That I am somehow better than they are.
I am making an effort to practice what I preach. No more talking about other people, no matter how much I want to. I need to remember that we are all equal in God's eyes, the same thing that I tell my kids all the time. My pastor was talking about his mother who just recently passed away. She was 85 years old and he never once heard her talk about anyone. Can any of us make that claim???? I know I can't.
I met a lady yesterday who actually married someone from my childhood that I do not remember in a good way. He and his family were just bad news. Drugs, drinking, abuse...I could go on. Now this lady is one of the nicest and sweetest women I have ever met. When I figured out that SHE was married to HIM, I was shocked. How could she have married him?? Now I realize, there is more to a person than we may ever know. I could have easily dismissed her due to her being married to him, but instead, I am her friend and will continue to be one. Meeting her and talking to her has inspired me to be more like her and my pastors late mother. Think about this.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Clothes for the middle aged woman
If I could sew, I would create a line of clothes for the middle aged woman. I absolutely cannot stand to shop for clothes. Take Kohl's for instance, you walk into the store and to your right is the ultra hip, cool styles. Walk straight ahead and you have business professional. Turn to the left and you have entered the land of cardigans and pants with elastic waistbands. I am not ready for the elastic waistband yet!!
I am caught between the ultra hip and the polyester blend. I feel stupid wearing the low cut, tight fitting "in" clothes, they make me look like I am trying to look younger. There is nothing more unattractive than a 40-ish woman trying to fit her wrinkled body into tight clothes, yuck!!! Then , on the other hand, I cannot stand the high waisted pants with the button down shirts. Is it appropriate for a woman in her 40's to wear low waisted jeans and pants? I mean, the muffin top is covered and I do not wear thong underware that hang out when I bend over (GROSS!!!)
There is no middle ground for us over 30's crowd. Now, personally, I dress like a bum most of the time (my signature 'do rag). I just prefer to be comfortable and quite frankly, sometimes I am lazy and do not feel like fixing my hair. Sleep is a much more precious thing to me than curled hair. But, on the other hand, I do like to dress up a little sometimes. That is where my problem lies.
This Saturday, my husband and I are invited to a Christmas Party, with adults, no kids. First things first, I cannot remember the last time we went to a party together, with no kids. Talking to adults is very intimidating to me since 80% of my time is spent with kids. Now I have to worry about what I am going to wear. Should go conservative or let loose a little? I would never ask my husband for advice, he would have me dressing like a hooker complete with hoop earrings and the 5 inch F___-me boots to match. Not exactly PTO mom material.
I am going shopping on Thursday night. I am hitting up J.C.Penney and CATO. If I strike out there, I am off to T.J.Maxx. I will let you know how it turns out. Wish me luck!
I am caught between the ultra hip and the polyester blend. I feel stupid wearing the low cut, tight fitting "in" clothes, they make me look like I am trying to look younger. There is nothing more unattractive than a 40-ish woman trying to fit her wrinkled body into tight clothes, yuck!!! Then , on the other hand, I cannot stand the high waisted pants with the button down shirts. Is it appropriate for a woman in her 40's to wear low waisted jeans and pants? I mean, the muffin top is covered and I do not wear thong underware that hang out when I bend over (GROSS!!!)
There is no middle ground for us over 30's crowd. Now, personally, I dress like a bum most of the time (my signature 'do rag). I just prefer to be comfortable and quite frankly, sometimes I am lazy and do not feel like fixing my hair. Sleep is a much more precious thing to me than curled hair. But, on the other hand, I do like to dress up a little sometimes. That is where my problem lies.
This Saturday, my husband and I are invited to a Christmas Party, with adults, no kids. First things first, I cannot remember the last time we went to a party together, with no kids. Talking to adults is very intimidating to me since 80% of my time is spent with kids. Now I have to worry about what I am going to wear. Should go conservative or let loose a little? I would never ask my husband for advice, he would have me dressing like a hooker complete with hoop earrings and the 5 inch F___-me boots to match. Not exactly PTO mom material.
I am going shopping on Thursday night. I am hitting up J.C.Penney and CATO. If I strike out there, I am off to T.J.Maxx. I will let you know how it turns out. Wish me luck!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Self esteem
I am now realizing that self esteem is just as important in your 40's as it is in your teens. I never really had much self esteem in my teen years (who does??) but now, I am feeling it all over again in my 40's. Why do I care so much about how I look? I am so hard on myself when I gain weight. Or when my hair/makeup doesn't look right. What is this doing to my kids? Am I showing them that looks are all that is important? I am a very vain person. If I could afford it I would have all kinds of surgery done to correct time and age. Is that wrong? I know that my husband loves me for who I am, but I know he looks at other women who have perky chests and no "muffin" tops.
When I was in my 20's and 30's, I looked good. Now, not so good. I have wrinkles, gray hair and that middle age pooch. I hate that!!!! Am I the only person who cares about this? Sometimes I think I am. Other women seem to embrace the look and do not care how they look now. They think of it as their trophy for having children. I, on the other hand, am disgusted by it and want it to change. My self esteem has plunged to an all new low. What can I do to change it?
I think maybe I am feeling a bit sorry for myself, don't you?????
When I was in my 20's and 30's, I looked good. Now, not so good. I have wrinkles, gray hair and that middle age pooch. I hate that!!!! Am I the only person who cares about this? Sometimes I think I am. Other women seem to embrace the look and do not care how they look now. They think of it as their trophy for having children. I, on the other hand, am disgusted by it and want it to change. My self esteem has plunged to an all new low. What can I do to change it?
I think maybe I am feeling a bit sorry for myself, don't you?????
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Enough with the handouts already
I was taking my kids to school today and my daughter says to me, "I need a dollar for school today." asked her why and she told me, "we are helping the kids who are on the free/reduced school lunch program be able to buy books at Book Fair." ------I am pausing to give you time to let this sink in.
After my children get out of the car, I proceed to look over at my husband and he knows I am about to off the deep end. First of all, let me say that I do not want any kid to go without books, it is not their fault that the are in this situation in the first place. Hell, I was the kid on free lunch program at my school who had everything given to them, including school pictures.
My point is this: my husband and I are middle class citizens and proud of it. We pay our own bills and pay them out of our own pocket. Last year I spent over $1000 on school lunches alone. I am just getting sick and tired of these people getting things handed to them on a silver platter. Not all people on public assistance are abusers of the system, but I think there are more that are than are not. My daughter and I are going to DC in the spring with her class. We went to an informational meeting on the trip which discussed finances. Come to find out, if you are on any assistance program, you and your child could go for free. These KIDS do need to go and I think that if the parents can't afford it, then by all means send the kids. But now all of these parents are crawling out of the woodwork for the chance at a free vacation.
These are the things that piss me off. Furthermore, I go to school and have all loans taken out to pay for it. There are LOTS of people who have grants to go due to income requirements. Of course my husband makes just over the minimum, so no grants for me. Anyway I learned what these people do. They apply for the grants, go to school for about 4 weeks and then I never see them again. The disbursement checks are mailed out that fourth week of class. And I am talking big checks, couple of thousand. It is amazing how people go on vacation right around that time too. Them they come back to school for the last week or two and take the final. They will get by with a d and come back next quarter to do the same thing all over again. They do this for FREE! Completely on us, The U.S. Taxpayers. We are providing people with free education, free food, housing, utilities, health care, heck we are now even paying for them to take vacation!!!! When does this stop??
Speak up middle class America! Our voices must be heard! I am sick and tired of pulling the weight for everyone else, it is time to get up and say, "NO!"
After my children get out of the car, I proceed to look over at my husband and he knows I am about to off the deep end. First of all, let me say that I do not want any kid to go without books, it is not their fault that the are in this situation in the first place. Hell, I was the kid on free lunch program at my school who had everything given to them, including school pictures.
My point is this: my husband and I are middle class citizens and proud of it. We pay our own bills and pay them out of our own pocket. Last year I spent over $1000 on school lunches alone. I am just getting sick and tired of these people getting things handed to them on a silver platter. Not all people on public assistance are abusers of the system, but I think there are more that are than are not. My daughter and I are going to DC in the spring with her class. We went to an informational meeting on the trip which discussed finances. Come to find out, if you are on any assistance program, you and your child could go for free. These KIDS do need to go and I think that if the parents can't afford it, then by all means send the kids. But now all of these parents are crawling out of the woodwork for the chance at a free vacation.
These are the things that piss me off. Furthermore, I go to school and have all loans taken out to pay for it. There are LOTS of people who have grants to go due to income requirements. Of course my husband makes just over the minimum, so no grants for me. Anyway I learned what these people do. They apply for the grants, go to school for about 4 weeks and then I never see them again. The disbursement checks are mailed out that fourth week of class. And I am talking big checks, couple of thousand. It is amazing how people go on vacation right around that time too. Them they come back to school for the last week or two and take the final. They will get by with a d and come back next quarter to do the same thing all over again. They do this for FREE! Completely on us, The U.S. Taxpayers. We are providing people with free education, free food, housing, utilities, health care, heck we are now even paying for them to take vacation!!!! When does this stop??
Speak up middle class America! Our voices must be heard! I am sick and tired of pulling the weight for everyone else, it is time to get up and say, "NO!"
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Not too many people think like I do, or maybe they do and won't admit it
A friend of mine just started a blog and I thought, I have a big mouth, why not start one myself? Little bio on myself: I am married with three of the most awesome kids. I will not be chatting about my kids because, quite frankly, I live for my kids and I need an outlet. My husband and I have an awesome yet strange relationship. We barely see each other. We have fallen into a comfortable routine of him working and me doing everything else, and I mean EVERYTHING else. His job is to make the money and spend time with the kids and I when he is home. He is very good at this and for that, I am pleased.
Now the reason I am writing this blog. Well, to put it simply, I have a lot to say. It is not always the most popular opinion, but it is mine. My goal in life is to run for an elected office someday, so I was told to watch what I say. I say, bullshit. I think politicians should speak their minds. Wouldn't that be refreshing if they did? Have you ever wondered what they were really thinking? I applauded Joe Biden when he dropped the "F" bomb. At least he was honest about how he felt, he showed some emotion. I like that in a person. Show me that you care about something and that you are not afraid to speak up.
I am currently back in school right now studying to be a paralegal. I really thought about law school, but I am getting too old to be a career student. I am fascinated by the law and the fact that it is so black and white in some aspects and gray in others. I love the Constitution and everything it sets forth. I carry a copy of it in my purse at all times. I think most of the problems in this country could be solved by a revisiting of the Constitution.
I do not want to piss people off too much on my first blog, so I will say goodnight.
Now the reason I am writing this blog. Well, to put it simply, I have a lot to say. It is not always the most popular opinion, but it is mine. My goal in life is to run for an elected office someday, so I was told to watch what I say. I say, bullshit. I think politicians should speak their minds. Wouldn't that be refreshing if they did? Have you ever wondered what they were really thinking? I applauded Joe Biden when he dropped the "F" bomb. At least he was honest about how he felt, he showed some emotion. I like that in a person. Show me that you care about something and that you are not afraid to speak up.
I am currently back in school right now studying to be a paralegal. I really thought about law school, but I am getting too old to be a career student. I am fascinated by the law and the fact that it is so black and white in some aspects and gray in others. I love the Constitution and everything it sets forth. I carry a copy of it in my purse at all times. I think most of the problems in this country could be solved by a revisiting of the Constitution.
I do not want to piss people off too much on my first blog, so I will say goodnight.
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